update

Forgot to add: I got the acceptance letter from NUS sometime last week. I think everyone who needs to know already knows, but yeah.

Thanks for your support.

blankets of sianness

I'm so so so so so sian! Er okay, met up with Jieying today. It was pretty good as unplanned outings go. We ate at this Japanese place at Bugis with really poor service... know the menu, or at least English, people! Then later went to try on funny dresses at various shops. That was the good part.

And then I got home.

I don't understand my own mood swings sometimes. ):

Do Not Give Up Hope

I got my rejection email from NTU today.

Way beyond feeling screwed about my life, it actually felt quite okay getting that email.

It's really the reactions I would get upon telling people of this news that scares me. I guess I am not a naturally positive thinker, but this is how it goes: my mother will care out of habit and duty, my father the same thing. Some friends will care out of a morbid fascination with charity cases, and some will wish I did not tell them (it ruins their day).

Okay peeps, here's the good part. I actually think that I am too smart to stop studying, or to settle for something less. Here are my plans. Plan A: Go to Australia. Plan B: Work for a year to plump up my CV, then reapply in Singapore, and the USA. Plan Z: Go to a private uni in Singapore.

Plan Z is named thus because I really don't want to go there.

Here are some things I'd like to have cleared about myself.

1. I know that it is my life. I don't need people to tell me that.

2. When I tell people about my life, it doesn't necessarily mean that I want advice, sympathy, or a lecture. It means that other people at the table have been talking about their lives and since we are all supposed to be good friends, I share mine too. I don't mean to ruin dinner, and I will now stop short of passing judgement on anyone whose dinner can actually be ruined my me talking a bit about my life.

3. I don't welcome sympathy.

4. I do, however, welcome constructive comments.

5. I do think of plans. I am not stupid just because NTU didn't want me.

6. I do think.

7. I do think.

8. I do think.

9. I am observant. I know what people secretly think. If I complain that people are treating me like a lesser being, it is not because of stupid shit like "low self-esteem". It's because those miserable people actually think of me as a lesser being. Wrongly.

10. I have a healthy sense of self-worth.

11. I think that people invented the term "low self-esteem" to justify treating some people like lesser beings. Don't you think that argument that goes, oh, that girl deserves it because that's what she thinks of herself, is weak? No? Then you are a bad person.

12. I am the person they are going to regret not picking.


I'm not that sad or lost or anything. People, I am your age. However, if you have any solid advice, feel free to approach me. Just don't preach. Oh, and don't patronise. Thanks. I will treat you to something if I am not broke.